This is for you to read Christine, to show what I'm going through and reasons why I cannot call you. Sme stuff you have already known but I'm just going to state it again. My cousin recently lost her phone the Friday before we came on Sunday and her Mom is out so there's no way of using a phone. :/ Then there's Peter where he was just being a bitch about me using it cause that's who he is.
The night before Christmas, I came home and wanted to talk to you right at Christmas because all the previous night you were on. But you fell asleep and I didn't want to bother you, yet Steven was there being a friend. I was sad on the inside because I wish I was there to help you even though I couldn't. Then talking to you on Christmas when it was about to end, it seems like it took forever for you to response to me and I'm sure you knew how that felt. Then hearing that your even stepping outside at 1 in the morning worries already when I was trying to talk to you.
You said it was okay but I didnt believe it cause you just stop replying to me on aim :/
And the thing you even said on there, .."being with someone is complicated". Each words was like stabs to my hurt and I was so hurt to hear that. I know that I did promise to call you but can you understand my situation? And I'm coming back on Sunday! The day I have been waiting for to see you! I missed you even though it was only a week, I hope that you did too Christine.

I was so glad to hear her voice but yet the things that came out of it made me hurt so much. But who am I to even say anything about it, all I could do was chuckled and be happy for her. I made the mistake of letting her go and if she doesnt come back to me, i have no one to blame but myself. I am willing to try and win her back and I know I still love her still and hopefully she'll feel the same way. At least if I get rejected, I know that I went down trying instead of not trying at all. I was so surprised that we talked over an hour, does it mean something or am I just getting my hopes too high? Probably too high but I'm glad I still got to talk to her. Maybe she doesn't realize but yesterday was suppose to be our 17 months, but whose counting right..? I'm not sure if she knows how much I missed her or even if she's going to go on xanga to read what I wrote. Reason for sighing so much yesterday was that deep down I was so hurt and devastated and it just got out. There was so much more that I wanted to tell you but I couldn't comprehend all of it in one sitting talking with you. When I was going to sleep after, I just laid there thinking of you and even smiling cause I did talk to you before going to sleep. I haven't had that in a while so it was nice. Something the old me would've done was reject your friendship offer.. but one step at a time right? As of right now I still sigh knowing that I am only your friend. I was never good at being patient but it should be worth it if I was to have you to be my girlfriend again.
     On another note, today is Saturday and the time we usually spend together. The rainy weather, it would've been perfect. But I have no right coming over like that, if I had a chance, I wouldn't mind waiting for the bus in the rain to come over and spend time with you. Maybe even play cards with you.. I miss you so much!

**Last night was fun. Every moment was carefree. I had nothing to loose; except the thoughts of you. I thought i had gotten over it. But it seems that i may not be. All the laughters doesnt add up to a moment of happiness with you.

Boy, this is tougher than i thought.

I couldnt care less who reads this because i hope you will one day care enough to read at least one. Im in the state of self discovery. no, more like self denial. i thought i was happy. i thought my choices was correct. we had something special, and to loose it was my biggest regret.

But i will never asked for you back. your hands werent mine to hold. This is in too far, it will take both people to get it back. But you gave up. But maybe you didnt. I may never know; but ill still be here, not waiting, but longing.

Now the only thing left of you is the hope that youve always given me. hope that one day you will see what Im going through. that one day you will remember my name. And that you will at least miss the time we spent carving our initials on that tree, the time where you had to wait outside of costco for me because i was running late to meet you there before we go trick or treating. that one special moment that started everything on the stairs of my highschool. The summer where i gave you what you always hoped for ever since middle school, your first kiss. Or at least the time we shared on the beach with a million lady bugs at our feet. for you to remember this is the only thing Im hoping for thats keeping me on my feet.

I dont ask for much from you.

Never have, never will.** --Christine Thuong

I hope so much that you'll still wait for me. Me being so stupid thought that I was over you. We went through the same thing and I only realized what I lost months later. I remember your name because it is engraved into my heart as it is too that tree that one day. I'm sorry for all the pain i caused you, I am only your friend to have you in my life. But to be honest, I don't how much I can handle with you telling me about all this guys and what not, it hurts too much as it is yesterday talking to you. Fck I am so stupid! Why can't i ever finish this :/

Bottom line is that I miss you so much and want you back in my life. I know that it's not going to happen overnight but give me a chance to have you back. I've mature in those months and I can only prove it to you if your by my side. I only hope that you will read all of this and know that it's coming from the heart. If you do not accept, I will understand and I won't ever try again.

Sincerely, Kevin Tran

im sorry for all the pain i gave you from the past. Im sorry for every hurtful memories. I just want to start over from now on, with you. I want to be able to make you feel that your the only one in my heart. That no one can replace you. Now and forever. trust. I love you. Dont change. If you do, Ill bring you back. I promise. Ive fallen too deep. I made my decision, to not look back because I love this feeling. Its amazing kevin. Your amazing.

thanks for everything.

love, christine.